It was Easter weekend in 2010. It was a special day because I was with one of my most favorite people in the world. My Aunt Patty. We went to church that morning and enjoyed celebrating Jesus and what He had done for us. We sang Oh Happy Day. And I smiled as she did motions to the song. She was just so full of life. She loved Jesus with all of her heart and it showed.
Afterwards, I rode in the car with her to go to lunch. And for no particular reason I just felt a sadness. It must have shown because she asked me if everything was okay? And I said “Yeah.” Later, I had the opportunity to go somewhere that night but felt that I should stay home.
That night I came into her room and hung out with her a little bit. And before I went back to my room I told her that I loved her. I remember waking up in the middle of the night when I heard her coughing in the other room. She was just getting over bronchitis. So, I prayed for her and then fell back to sleep.
In the morning, I got up and sat down at my keyboard. I begin to write a song. At the time I was surprised at the words that I was coming up with. They were rather dark and sad. Then I heard a knock at my bedroom door. When I opened the door my sister was standing there. She was crying and told me that my aunt had stopped breathing.
She passed away some time in the early hours of the morning. I was shocked. I felt as if my breath had been knocked right out of me. I had no words for the sorrow that pierced my heart.
That night I felt like a little girl. I ended up in my parent’s room. I couldn’t sleep. All I could do was lay there with tears streaming down my face. But I kept thinking. If I could just get past these dark hours of the night the morning will come.
After a night that seemed would never end the morning finally came. The next couple of days were somewhat of a blur. People came and brought us food. I received texts and even a letter with words of comfort. God used their words and actions to ease the pain in my soul.
I locked myself away in my room. I spent my time listening to music filled with words of God being with me in times of trouble. I also knew one thing. I needed to finish the song that I began to write the morning my aunt passed away.
As I sat down at the piano I was reminded of a message that I listened to by Judah Smith. In it he talked about the story of when Jesus was asleep in the boat. And the disciples were freaking out about the storm. He then related it to the storms that come in life. We can do one of two things. We can let the storm overwhelm us and steal our awe. Or we can look to Jesus and let Him hold our awe.
Then I knew how to finish the song. After hours at the piano these are the words that came as a result.
You Hold My Awe
I see the dark clouds rolling in.
The rain is pouring I’m soaked to the skin.
The lightning’s thrashing and my soul wants to cave in.
The wind is screaming just give in.
I feel my faith is wearing thin.
I can’t see a thing but You see everything.
And when the waves are crashing upon my life
And I cannot see the end in sight.
I will not lose heart
But cling to the one who calms my storm.
For You Hold My Awe.
So, I will wait for the daylight.
For you will take me to the other side.
Knowing the wind will cease
I find my soul at ease.
You will silence the wind and the waves.
You will bring a great calm.
For You hold my awe.
Jesus carried me through that dark time. I know that I wouldn’t have made it through without him. I still miss my Aunt Patty very much, but I know that she is safe in the arms of her Savior. I will see her again one day. I am so thankful for the last happy moments that God gave me with her before she passed away. He knew that I needed that in order to let her go. There are still days where I have dark moments where I can’t see. Some days are pretty rough. But I have felt Him come and lift me and carry me through time and time again. He is faithful.
Hebrews 6 says, “God gave these two things that cannot be changed and God cannot lie. We who have turned to Him can have great comfort knowing that He will do what He has promised. This hope is a safe anchor for our souls. It will never move.”
When everything in your life goes dark and you can’t see a thing.
Let him be your anchor. Let him carry you through. Let him hold your awe.
In loving memory of my Aunt Patty. I am thankful for the amazing woman that she was and how she always inspired me to love Jesus more and more!! And I am forever grateful for the time that God gave me with her!!